What You Don't Think I Notice
by KentuckyWallflower
Summary: A series of moments between Barry and Iris, where she catches him looking at her in a way that you don't look at someone who is only your best friend, and the way she feels about it all. Inspired by the prompt phrase "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice." Requested by TrueNorth (Guest). R&R!


**A/N: This one was requested by TrueNorth (Guest).**

 **This is going to be a series of moments between Iris and Barry through out their lives, where she catches him looking at her, or doing little things for her that you only do when you're in love with someone, and how she reacts to and feels about them. So basically, a lot of cute WestAllen fluff for your reading pleasure. I've actually been really excited to do this one, and I'm so happy I finally get to write it.**

 **I hope you like it. :)**

 **...**

 **Prompt #22: "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice."**

 **Characters: Barry Allen/The Flash & Iris West from **_**The Flash.**_

 **...**

Fourteen year old Iris West sat curled up on the couch, bundled under a mountain of covers and reading a book _—The Outsiders_ by S.E Hinton _._ It was winter, just a few days before Christmas, and she had always gotten cold easily. To her right sat a reindeer head shaped mug of hot chocolate with little marshmallows and a candy cane. Her hair was pulled back in a braid and she wore a pair of flannel pajama pants and her dads old college sweatshirt. It was huge compared to her small frame and hung loose around her, the sleeves of the sweatshirt much longer than her arms, but it kept her warm so she never minded. It was late, a little after twelve in the morning, and her dad and Barry were both asleep in their rooms upstairs. Iris knew she should be sleeping too, but she just couldn't find it in her to go to bed yet. This was her absolute favorite time of year, and with the knowledge that they were all planning on decorating for Christmas tomorrow, she was filled to the brim with excitement.

Time ticked by as she read, getting lost in the story more and more by the minute. Her hot chocolate was empty now and she found herself sucking on the remnants of the candy cane left over. She was just getting to the good part of the story, the climax as they would call it in her English class, when she heard a creaking coming from above her. She jumped, her body stiffening at the thought that it might be her father. It was nearly two in the morning now and though she knew he would understand after she explained, he would not be happy she was up so late. He liked both of his kids to get a good eight hours minimum of sleep at night so that they could be well rested, and always tried to have them both in bed by midnight at the latest. Initially, she had gone up to her room around eleven, but she couldn't sleep and quickly became bored so she had snuck down stairs to read. At least she could tell her dad she was being productive instead of watch TV, right?

As the figure descended the stairs she realized rather quickly that it was not her father. This person, though slightly taller than her, was much too small and slender to be her dad. Evidently, Iris had been wrong about Barry being asleep.

"Iris?" He whispered as he crept down the last few stairs, careful to avoid the places that creaked heavily. "What are you doing down here?"

She had relaxed immediately upon seeing that it was Barry, and offered him a small smile. "Same as you, I think. I'm too excited to sleep." She whispered back.

"I keep hearing Christmas songs in my head." He whispered with a laugh, making her giggle as well, as he walked closer to her, leaning himself against the back of the couch. "Iris, have you looked out side recently?"

"No, I've been too busy reading. Why?"

"Because," the green eyed boy in front of her was bouncing on his feet with excitement as he spoke. "Its snowing."

Iris may get cold easily, but she loved watching the snow come down. She hurriedly grabbed her bookmark and replaced it between the pages to mark her place before setting the book down. Holding the candy cane in her mouth she wrapped one of her blankets around her shoulders and rushed to the window with Barry to watch the fresh powder build up on the ground as it came down. Sure enough, Barry had been right. It was snowing, the big white flakes that you could easily catch on your tongue. It was beautiful. Both teenagers sat down on the window sill, excited for the snow and the day ahead of them, as well as the holidays to come.

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas." Iris whispered to her companion.

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow." He whispered back, and the two glanced at each other sharing a smile before she returned her attention to the falling snow, mesmerized by its beauty.

It was after watching the snow fall for a little while longer that Iris caught Barry's reflection in the window. Not that she would ever tell him she had noticed, but the green eyed boy beside her was no longer watching the snow come down. He was now watching her, a soft smile on his face. She wasn't quite sure why then, but she kind of liked the way he was looking at her. It made her feel all warm inside, even with the winter chill in the air, and she smiled softly to herself.

…...

Barry and Iris are 18 now. It had been two months since they had graduated high school and her best friend has been accepted to Midway's Forensics program. The day she had been dreading had finally arrived. Today was the day that Barry would be boarding the train that would take him away from her for four long months. He wouldn't be returning home until Thanksgiving, and that would only be for a few days before he left again to go back to school. Iris hadn't gotten any sleep the night before, not really. She had dozed off for a few minutes during the movie she and Barry had been watching earlier the night before, she had let him pick which meant it was a SiFi, but other than that she had gone a full night without sleep. How could she sleep when her best friend was moving away? All she really wanted to do was walk down the hall to his bedroom and camp out on the floor like they use to do when they were kids, just so she could spend a little more time with him. Even if he was sleeping, at least she would have been able to see him. But she knew that she couldn't do that, she was not a little girl anymore. They had both grown up since then and their days of sleeping on the floor in each others rooms were over.

At least she had thought they were. It was a little after 4am when she heard the water running in the bathroom. Assuming it was her dad she simply rolled over in bed, staring glumly at her alarm clock as if she could reverse the numbers by sheer force of will. A few minutes later and she heard her bedroom door open and close, followed by a pair of soft footsteps shuffling across her floor. Iris propped herself up on her elbow, looking to see who her visitor was, and she couldn't help the small smile that came at the sight. Barry Allen, with a pillow in hand and a quilt draped over his shoulders, stood at the foot of her bed. "Hey Bar." She whispered to him.

"Hey Iris." He whispered back as he walked around to the side of her bed that she was facing. "I thought you'd be asleep."

"I couldn't sleep." She told him truthfully. "Not when I know you're going to be leaving soon. What about you? Too excited?"

"Well, yea." He laughed softly, his smile quickly turning into a frown. "But I'm also going to miss you. Which is why," he pause to toss his pillow onto the floor, rather dramatically, before sitting in front of it. "I'm sleeping in here for the rest of the night."

Iris smiled as she watched him get comfortable on her floor, snuggling into his blanket and pillow. "Rest of the morning." She corrected. "Its after 4am, Bar."

"Shh." He whispered, "I'm trying not to think about that."

She laughed, but she fully understood what he meant. Remembering the current time only meant remembering how many more hours they had until he left, and neither of them wanted to remember that. With the knowledge that her best friend was there beside her, Iris soon found herself drifting to sleep. The next thing she knew it was morning, and there was a light touch against her skin as somebody brushed the strands of stray hair out of her face.

"I'm really going to miss you Iris." Barry whispered to her before leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on her brow. Her best friend hadn't realized she was waking up yet, and she would never tell him, he would be far too embarrassed if he knew. But she couldn't help the smile that came to her as she felt the warmth of his lips press against her skin.

 _"I'll miss you too Bar."_ Iris thought to herself. She pretended to be asleep a few minutes longer before stretching and getting up for the day she had been dreading for months. Today was going to be a very long and hard day for all three of them.

…...

Today was Iris's 21st birthday. Barry, who was just a two months younger than her, was still only 20. He may not have been able to take part in the drinking part of the celebration, but he was her best friend, and she wanted him to be there. Unfortunately, he was still away at college. Her birthday fell at the end of May, and theoretically, he should have been home for the summer by now. Except he had elected to stay behind and take some extra classes over the summer so he could earn his credits and be able to graduate a semester sooner. Not that she wasn't glad to know that he would be graduating a bit sooner so he could come back home earlier, she loved the idea of him coming home earlier, but she hated the idea of him missing her birthday. Iris supposed she would just have to make due with a phone call, but she knew it wouldn't be the same as actually having him there with her.

She had been getting ready for her birthday celebration when he called her cell phone. She was putting on her makeup when his ringtone came drifting down the hall— _Blackbird_ by The Beatles, because it was his favorite song, and honestly, who didn't love that song? She had instantly set her lipstick down on the bathroom sink the second she heard the first notes of the familiar tune begin to play and ran down the narrow hallway to her bedroom. Closing her door she answered her cell phone and flopped onto her bed. "Hey Bar!" She greeted.

Instead of greeting her with the customary "Hey Iris, what's up?" that she was expecting, he began singing. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

Iris couldn't stop herself from laughing while he sang Happy Birthday to her. It wasn't that he was a bad singer that made her laugh, he had a nice singing voice, and he was actually pretty good. But it was just such a natural Barry thing to do, and she was filled with so much happiness hearing his voice that her body wasn't sure what else it could do, besides laugh. "Thanks Barry." She laughed as he finished the song.

"Anytime." He told her, and she could hear him laughing on the other end of the phone. "Any big plans for tonight to celebrate?"

"Going out to dinner with my dad tonight at Jack's Pub. He says he wants to be the one to buy me my first legal drink. Then I'm celebrating with some friends next weakened."

"Emphasis on the word 'legal' right?" He laughed, and of course she laughed too, knowing exactly the time he was referring to.

She had gotten drunk at a friends party when they were 17. She hadn't meant to drink that night. But it was during winter, she was cold, and the hot apple cider had been so very warm. How was she suppose to know that someone had put a generous amount vodka in it? Barry had helped her home that night, and covered for her with her dad the next morning when she woke up with a severe hangover.

"That was not my fault and you know it." She told him laughing at the memory. "Vodka has no taste or odor. I didn't know those apple ciders were spiked."

"It only took you four glasses before you finally started to notice." He teased her on his end of the phone, laughing with his best friend.

The phone conversation went on like that for nearly an hour, both of them joking around and teasing each other, before her father finally came up stairs and asked if she was ready yet. A few minutes later she had hung up to finish getting ready. The drive to the pub had been short, her dad making small talk with her as they drove and asking about her plans for the weekend with her friends.

"We were going to drive up to Starling City Casino, get a couple of drinks and play a couple of rounds on the slots, maybe a hand of Blackjack."

"Sounds like a lot of fun baby girl." He told her, "Just don't go getting addicted to gambling on me now, Iris."

"Don't worry dad." She reassured her father with a smile, "We all agreed on a spending limit to use for betting. We'll be fine."

When they got to the restaurant what they found made Iris jump out of the car before her dad had even fully parked. Standing by the front door of the pub was the familiar tall and slender figure of Barry Allen. Her best friend had taken a train home from college just to surprise her for her birthday. He was such a sweet person, and she loved him for that.

"Barry!" She called as she ran across the parking lot to meet him. A car honked as it almost hit her while backing out, but she didn't care. Her best friend was here. Iris crashed into him so hard she nearly knocked him off balance, throwing her arms around his neck, and she felt his arms encircle her waist. She felt his shoulders shaking as he laughed.

"Surprise!" He announced as he leaned back to look at her, his arms remaining around her waist, and her hands resting on his biceps.

"Oh my God, I can't believe you're here!" She laughed, "How long can you stay?"

"Just for the weekend." Barry answered, "I have to leave again Sunday morning, but I was not about to miss my best friends 21st birthday."

The dinner went really well, and Iris drank enough Strawberry Dakari's to be more than a little bit tipsy by the time they left the pub. The young woman was a fit of giggles, laughing at everything, and needing to lean on Barry to walk straight. When the three of them got back to the house Iris's father kissed her good night, saying that she was in need of a good nights sleep. He had offered to help her to her room as well, but his daughter declined, insisting that Barry be the one to help her up.

"I've only got him for tonight and tomorrow." She insisted. "I want to be with him as much as I can while I've got him here."

Barry happily obliged, putting an arm around her shoulders as he guided her to her room. He had turned away as she changed her cloths to allow her some privacy, then helped her take off her makeup. Once she was dressed and ready for bed he tucked her in under the covers.

"Thanks Bar." She whispered, smiling softly. "I'm glad you're here."

"Anytime, Iris." He whispered back, returning the smile. "And I'm glad I'm here too."

Barry took off his jacket and shoes before laying down next to her, pulling the blankets up over him as well. She rolled over to face him and smiled. "What are you doing Barry?"

"Spending as much time with you before I have to leave again as I can." He answered honestly. "I've really missed you Iris."

"I've really missed you too Barry." The girl said with a smile, snuggling against her best friend and slowly falling asleep beside him.

When she woke up the next morning, he was already awake. Her best friend was still laying in bed next to her, his head was propped up in his hand and his elbow was bent at an angle to support his weight. Iris was at eye level with his chest when she first opened her eyes, but when she glanced up to look at him through her lashes she saw the way he had been looking at her. His expression changed the second he had realized she was awake, but Iris had already seen it. He was looking at her in the same way he had when they were fourteen as she watched the snow fall outside of the window. There was a softness to his features, and he had a gentle smile playing on his lips. Just like when they were fourteen, she felt a sudden burst of warmth inside of her, loving the way he was looking at her. But just like she had that night when they were younger, she swore to herself that she would never tell him she noticed—she didn't want him to feel embarrassed about anything.

"Good morning." Barry said, his smile widening. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yea." Iris answered with a smile, her voice still heavy with sleep. She wished, more than anything, that the two of them could stay there curled up in bed all day like they did when they were kids. "I missed waking up and having you in the house."

"That makes two of us." He told her with a soft laugh.

 _"Having him home again,"_ Iris thought, _"even if it was just for one day, felt really great."_

...

Iris West, now 25 years old, sat on the couch with tears streaming down her face. She stared numbly at the Christmas tree before her, remembering how much joy it had brought her in the years past, but she felt none of that joy now. Instinctively, she reached up her hand to touch her necklace, the one that Barry had gotten her for Christmas. It was a replica of her mothers wedding bands. When he had given it to her she had thought it was just a thoughtful gift, because he remembered how hurt she had been when she lost the originals as a teen—she had been devastated when she lost them. But Eddie had made a comment about the possibility of Barry being in love with her when he saw the gift. She had asked her best friend about Eddie's accusation, and initially he had denied the claim. But just moments ago he come to her and told her the truth, and she felt utterly heart broken as she remembered his words to her and the hurt look on his face.

 _"I love you, Iris." He had told her, his arms wrapped tightly around her slender frame in a warm embrace._

 _"Awe. I love you, too." Iris had told him returning the embrace, smiling softly. Slowly, he pulled himself away from her, and that was when she saw the look in his eyes that told her he had meant something entirely different when he said those four simple words._

 _"When we were kids I loved you before I even know what the word love meant." He began letting out a breath. "And then my mom died and I had to go live with the girl I had a crush on. Look. There were so many times I wanted to tell you; Jr. Prom, when I went away to college, when I came back from college, nights that we stayed up talking, all the birthdays, all the Christmases, but I—I never did."_

 _She had moved to sit down on the couch by this point in his confession, the tears that had begun building in her eyes spilling over. He moved to sit beside her, keeping some distance between them not wanting to make her uncomfortable, and continued._

 _"I kept it in. After I lost my mom and my dad, I was afraid that if you didn't feel the same way, I would lose you, too. That's the irony." He forced out a half laugh through his own tears. "I was so scared of losing you that I did. I know I've had our whole lives to tell you this, and you're with Eddie now, and I know that. And I know my timing couldn't be any worse, but I just—I couldn't lie to you anymore. I'm sorry."_

 _He had come to the end of his confession and paused, watching her to gauge her reaction, or possibly even waiting for a response. But Iris had none, she was stunned speechless by his words. Barry dropped his gaze and lowered his head before standing, walking away from her and disappearing out the front door. Iris knowing full well in that moment that she would never be able to erase that hurt expression he had worn on his face from her memory._

And now she sat, staring numbly at the glimmering Christmas tree before her, her fingers subconsciously twirling the two rings around on their chain. If Iris was being honest with herself, deep down, she had known the way he felt about her for a while now. Looking back on past memories, all of the little things in their lives—like the way he would look at her, the little things he would do and say when he thought she wasn't paying him any attention; or sleeping, in some cases. She had loved all of those little things, all of the sweet little moments the two of them had shared. But Iris had always pushed those little moments off as her wishful thinking, she had told herself that she was seeing things that weren't really there because she wanted to see them. She had been telling herself that for so long she had actually managed to convince herself of it. And if she was being completely honest with herself, she couldn't deny the fact that when he had first claimed to not have feelings for her, she felt an overwhelming sense of crushing disappointment.

"Barry." She whispered. She knew that he wasn't their anymore, but she needed to say this out loud, for herself. She needed to say everything that she so desperately wished she would have said to the once sweet green eyed boy who had grown into a sweet and handsome man while he was still sitting beside her.

"I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice, Bar." Iris whispers, focusing on the picture of her and Barry that's resting on the end table as she speaks. "And I would be lying to you if I said I didn't like it. Because I did, I loved every little moment of it. There were a thousand time I could have told you how I felt too, and I never did. So I guess we've both made some mistakes with our relationship, haven't we?"

She paused, laughing at her own stupidity and shaking her head slightly to clear her thoughts before continuing. "I told myself for so long, that all of those little signs I noticed—the way you looked at me, and the things you did and said—was just my wishful thinking. And I told myself that for so long that I actually made myself believe it, and I was wrong for that."

"You were right, Barry, when you said that I was with Eddie now. I am with Eddie now, and I do love him. But I love you too. I think I've known that for a while now, I just never wanted to admit it to myself. I do love you Barry, and I think that some part of me always will. But I love Eddie too—or at least I think I do. The truth is, I'm not entirely sure how I feel right now, and I sure as hell don't know what to do. I just—I need a little time to sort through all of this. And if we're meant to be together, then I'm sure we'll find our way back to each other. And if not, well then, I don't want to lose you as a best friend either. I love you Barry Allen, and I will always need you in my life."

Iris took a deep, calming breath as she finished. Trying her best to dry the tears from her eyes she stood from the couch and went upstairs to shower and get ready for bed. She had had just about enough of today, she was overwhelmed by her feelings and everything that had happened came crashing down on her in a sudden wave of exhaustion. She needed sleep to clear her head and get her bearings. For the first time in her life when it came to her feelings toward Barry, Iris found herself swearing that she would not keep all of this a secret from her best friend. One day, hopefully soon, she would tell him everything she had just confessed to herself. But that day was not going to be today. The wounds were still too fresh for the both of them, and she had caused him enough pain for one Christmas. But one day soon, she would tell him everything. Maybe is was the holidays or her past memories of him making her feel this way, or maybe it was the sheer newness of his confession. Either way, as she fell asleep that night, Iris found herself hoping that it would be her and Barry together in the end.

...

 **A/N: Finished! I really hope you enjoyed this story, because I for one, had so much fun writing it. I honestly think that this might be one of my favorite fics to date, if not my favorite. I love the way this turned out, and I hope you guys do too. Leave me a review and let me know what you thought. What was your favorite part? What did you love about this? Seriously, your reviews inspire me to keep writing more stories. I love getting feed back from you guys and I look forward to hearing from you. Mwah! :)**


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